The Truth by Neil Strauss

Author:Neil Strauss
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2015-09-02T16:00:00+00:00

18

We leave the room, take the elevator downstairs, and get on a moving walkway. As soon as we step off, I feel it. I’m rolling.

I touch Sage’s back, then my hand moves up to her shoulder and starts squeezing. I need to touch something solid. She seems irritated.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, shrugging my hand off.

Instantly my hand returns to her shoulder. Must squeeze. “I’m totally rolling. Do you feel anything?”

“No.”

“Did you take any?”

“Yeah, but I’ve done a lot before.”

“How much is a lot?”

“Let’s just say I’ve done it rectally.”

We return to the central hotel and wander the halls looking for another party James wants to check out. The carpet unrolls in front of my eyes. I flash back to all the other times I’ve been fucked up in Vegas, and my only memory is these hotel carpets. They stretch on forever in the same repetitive patterns. Forever and ever. Endless. Carpet.

We arrive at a door. A shirtless guy opens it. There are glow sticks everywhere, including two being spun by a short blonde with gargantuan fake breasts.

“Take that jacket off,” the guy says. “You’re all wearing too many clothes.”

We stand still, taking in the scene. There are glowing stickers affixed to the walls, the stereo, the refrigerator, everywhere. In a bedroom just beyond the entryway, there’s porn playing on TV. “Why do they have porn at these things?” I ask Nicole. “It makes it unsexy. Like porn is fake and this is real.”

“I don’t know why. It’s not classy.”

“They should play, like, CNN,” I go on. “That would be sexy. Because we’d look at the TV and think, Look at those boring people. We’re having so much more fun than them. They’re all dying and shit, and we’re, like, fucking each other’s wives.”

When some people get fucked up, they become the life of the party. Others get aggressive or promiscuous or overemotional. I just get neurotic and nerdy. Especially on psychoactive drugs, when all the filters come off. This is who I am. I need to accept it, even if no one else can.

“Do you want to walk around?” Sage asks.

I clutch her arm. “Stay with me!” With my other hand I’m hanging onto the edge of a table for dear life. “I don’t want to go in there. There’s porn!”

“Then what do you want to do?”

I’m losing it. I need more anchoring. “Can you put your hands on my head and, like, do something?”

She cups my bald head in her hands like it’s a fragile egg.

“No, like, knead it.”

She starts kneading it. I feel more anchored.

“Don’t stop doing that,” I order her. And as her warm hand massages my scalp, I wonder if I’ve already found it: my nonmonogamate. From the moment Nicole introduced us, it felt like I’d already known her. Actually, I had already known her. But the point is, we’ve been floating through this experience together like a couple that’s already in a comfortable relationship. And she hasn’t been possessive around Chelsea and Nicole at all. Maybe I’ll ask her to move in with Belle and me.

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